Masked Truth

Time.

2012-02-15T01:18:00.000+08:00

Recently, I'm thinking how much better it'll be to just skip and fast forward 10 years ahead. Now at this sandwiched age that's neither here nor there, living each day seems just passing time.

And then I'm thinking of the end of my road; yes, thinking of death definitely makes one a lot more discriminatory to out groups, but I don't hate. I'm just looking at the transiency of life and looking at it from a different perspective. At the end of it all, nothing much seemed to matter.

Unless ideas and art remains, to tell a story and forward change.

I'm aiming to leave behind at least 2 art piece. I have already formed the concept for 1. Not sure if I'm going to go ahead with the execution. The other has to be equally powerful. I'll use these years in wait perfecting my craft.

When the time comes, I hope there wouldn't be too deep of connections that holds me back from taking the world.

10 years.

Catch me if you can.

2012-01-01T23:34:00.002+08:00

I'm not a tree in the forest, I'm a fish in the sea.
I am not bound by ideas, thoughts or forms.
I am free to explore, free to reign terror.

When people ask me what are the qualities that I determine as potential partners, I find it an uphill chore to give an accurate answer. Just like the best Nasi Lemak out there. Too many variables to consider.
That being said, I factor physical attractiveness in quite substantially. That's my initial screening method. There's something biological to the preference of physical attributes and I wouldn't do anything to go against Nature's success to evolutionary biology. That's step 1.

Step 2: Determination of mental age. According to the analysis of this blog by a certain website I came across some years ago, the author(myself) is most likely a 50 something year old woman. I know I don't write nonsensical posts so I'll take a few years of and assume my mental age to be around 30+. So yea.

The rest of the stuff is not that important once I get the above 2 right. I'm physically attracted, and we'll both be reason enough to understand personal space, respect, pride and ego.

So how do I tell them succinctly what type of person I go for?

End of Year 2011

2011-12-30T00:11:00.000+08:00

Year 2011:

Enjoying my exams
Jitters from first few interviews
Affected somewhat by rejections
Heart broken
Leaped and found a direction for photography
Not very impressed with my exam results
Getting desperate to start working
Started training for dance production item
Got into sales oriented job which made me tender
Graphic design company hiring freeze
Gotten into my other preferred job
Performed the dance item with just 2 months of training
Graphic design company called to offer (somewhat picked my curiosity)
Getting old but not that old. (I tell you it's like being in limbo. I wish I could just forward 10 years)

Happy New Year 2012.

Post Production observations

2011-12-19T00:10:00.001+08:00

Again I see people around lacking those structural characters that were once charming in the earlier decades. Just because you lost your cool and started acting all crazy does not mean things will be back to normal after apologising; whilst giving yourself an excuse for flaring up.

People establishing their constructed status and hogging the limelight just so to prove they are.

Loud actions just to attract attention.

The thing with friends is that everyone is able to make a choice on whether or not to maintain the friendship. Just because we are friends today does not mean either party is free to take advantage or make selfish requests.

It's a good thing I had already started working. Gonna prune my social tree using work as an excuse.

p/s: After last night, I feel I'm not over you yet.

Crazy little things

2011-11-20T02:56:00.001+08:00

It's a two way street. And I believe we're past the era of what a guy or a girl should traditionally do. Or at least currently in Singapore. And yes, this sounds so horribly heart wrenching but people do have different priorities and your special someone may not prioritise you the same way. (This sentence will most probably be selectively ignored)

So it brings me to this question: If you expect to be at the top of the list, do you really place him/her at the top?

Not out of boredom, nor infatuation. Yea, this note is not going to sit down well with people.

And another thing I realised is when people ask for advice, they almost certainly never heed. Unless it's regarding something technical, like how long it usually takes to steam a fish. I'll make a point to not give them what they expect to hear. Neither am I going to purposely contradict their thoughts. I'll just shrug them off.

I have my life to lead as well. If all you need is an outlet to offload, I recommend Siri.

People are increasingly not taking responsibility for their own life. Blame it on someone else. It's fast, simple, and requires minimal cognitive effort. It is just like eating fat free ice-cream. It looks like the real thing but it does not taste exactly right.

And then the breed of attention-seekers. The youth-clingers.

I guess I am just too old inside to be in the 21st century.

Broken

2011-10-23T22:56:00.001+08:00

I guess I am feeling the stress from being in a new environment, having to adapt to a more structured lifestyle and a change in personal relationship. At this point I am planning to go on a hiatus. Cut out the social interaction that takes up energy and just spend some time in a foreign land and recharge my batteries.

On the surface meeting and interacting with the society appears normal, but deep down I know something has changed. Conversations seem to have a sheen of coarse sand to them. Again I think it boils down to personality styles I suppose. Quirks of INTJ whose traits is not being affiliated with the Americanised definition of success.

At the very least, I have broken out of judging people on their outwardly affects. I shall work on my vocal expression next. The journey of a thousand miles begin on the first step.

The end is nigh.

2011-09-14T02:44:00.002+08:00

We were so different from the start.
From whichever angle none were same.
Political and social we were oil and water.
But glue to relationships they are not.

As months passed, we delved deeper.
Habits, quirks, thought process.
Even the way your lips pursed when tinkering something delicate.

Alas hindered by mental constructs,
Of what life really means to us.

That fateful week ago.

Siren bells.

2011-07-18T23:31:00.002+08:00

I see a problem. A huge problem beyond means I can manage. There it rang few months back and I could not see the root of the problem. Now that my elder cousin's imminent wedding woes brought my own advice back to me, the root is revealed to be something turbulent.

I sleep with a heavy heart these nights. The restlessness pales even the darkest of nights. Of course I may be worrying unduly, but neither am I keen on a wild-goose chase. Que sera sera jya nai.

12 Years ago.

2011-06-19T20:28:00.000+08:00

I thought I hadn't been affected much. Apparently I was wrong. Hmm let me see how to work it.

New road.

2011-05-09T02:43:00.002+08:00

At every major milestone of people's lives, I belief, lies a mirror. It is unyielding, strong and looming, forcing each and every individual to look back inside. It is a test of courage and confidence. To choose the road that one will eventually walk along.

Many a time, decisions do not come in binaries. Each leading to different terrains. Some may be easy and boring, some treacherous and exciting. As an individual who prides playing with the system, I'm now faced with a very difficult situation.

Childhood years were easy. Parents were there to make sound decisions for the best of our interests. Even if it means sacrificing theirs. When it comes to our turn to make decisions, I suppose most of us do follow the same routine; make decisions to the best of our interests, even if it means sacrificing our parent's.

For past selfish decisions, I dedicate this post to remind myself to progress beyond the self.

Happy mother's day.

(My intended direction was not for family. I don't know why I came to this point.)

Awsome fats.

2011-04-23T02:18:00.002+08:00

I came across this picture of 'Country Fried Bacon' whilst blog hopping and voila, a totally new and exciting pork dish! Except that I do not take any red meat at all.

Maybe if Singapore had this dish from the start, I might have continued eating my share of pork. Now after years of abstinence, I'd rather starve to death than to have a morsel of red meat. Except the occasional unavoidable pork floss dressing on certain Chinese dishes. Oh it looks absolutely delicious. Just reminds me of deep fried chicken skin.

40 winks.

2011-04-06T01:35:00.004+08:00

It's a luxury that we hold on to after, and not before. 'Let me snooze for 5 more mins'; against 'I'll stay up for tonight's show'. For me, it's not as simple as it is. I am always amazed at people who can drift into sleep within 5 minutes of hitting the pillow. For me, a usual route to dreamland always involves at least a half hour's priming. And when caffeine is in my system, I can really forget about getting any sleep for the night. For that reason, I miss ice-blended mocha.

At times I try to remember what falling asleep feels like; maybe recreating the feeling might trick my body into rest. Then the intermittent relaxing of the neck muscles just as I'm about to sleep jolts my brain as a falling sensation. Oh how lovely the sleeping pills look. And when I do get a good sleep eventually, I get so desperate to cramp in additional good hours that I end up getting too much sleep for the coming night.

If I eat too full, or feeling hungry, I can't sleep.
If I drink coffee or drink tea, I can't sleep.
If I sleep too much too furious, I can't sleep.

If the lecturer is so boring, I can sleep.

Acceptance.

2011-03-06T16:02:00.002+08:00

Before this idea slips away.

What I see happening to critical people is they don't accept themselves as they are in the first place. Accepting as really knowing that everyone is different, including yourself.

To accept is to embrace that ugly big nose you think you have, to not having to fret over what colours or hairstyle accentuates your body. No more hiding flaws and imperfections and going hysterical when people photograph an unflattering image. Just accept that as part of what makes you different from others, and then assassinate the photographer later.

Not having to think why that other person has nicer eyes than me. Taller than me. Shorter than me. Height is all about referencing. Being short here does not necessarily mean being short all over the world. Because if you don't pass yourself as the first critique, nobody else is ever going to be good enough for you.

Heart.

2011-02-28T05:11:00.002+08:00

Oh how you tend to wander around.
From chocolate to cameras to tight bodies.
Or maybe the face that launch a thousand ships;
Oh how my chest constraints your palpitations.

Tied and bound I tried to secure.
And chests and chests of heavy lids.
Padded with balloons and fluffs and quality down;
You still manage to break into thousand pieces in a whim.

Time comes for inspection for wear and tear.
Lids upon chests of upheaval.
Rummage through the storm of swirling down;
To find my heart stolen from my chests of chests.

Can the world be a better place?

2011-02-18T02:22:00.002+08:00

I will not touch on the wider spheres of social life. I shall concentrate on the 2 perspectives observed in Ng's household.

1: Assume everyone is out to get you, thus engaging in non-cooperative strategies.

2: Always play cooperative strategies first. Thereafter, punish non-cooperative players.

Proponents of 1: Sis, Brother(0.5) Grandmother.
Proponents of 2: Mom, Brother(0.5), Yours truly.

While holding 1, I believe there is less chances of being hurt economically, but lesser chances of eventually having a happier life/outlook.

2 will likely give greater chances of being happy, at the expense of economic well-being.

Extrapolating the above illustration, there will be an eventual gathering of 2's interacting exclusively with each other with 1's mistrusting everyone and interacting with everyone at the same time.

The world will definitely get warmer due to global warming.

New Year, New Outlook.

2011-02-05T03:35:00.002+08:00

Those who mind don't matter;
Those who matter don't mind.

I guess it's all part of growing up. Over the years, I learnt to dismiss whatever labels people put onto me. I'm pretty much able to do that well to the negative ones, but yet to be able to do as good to the positive ones. And I do take note to be wary with candy-flavoured words.

From my observations of myself, I can conclude with accuracy that I am an analyst. I break things down into essential cogs and do away with peripheral decorations. That could be the reason for my lack of animated gestures. Outcomes are already one of few probable expectations that I had analysed beforehand. It's my method of dealing with expectations. I might be a bit straightforward at times, and wishy-washy at others.

And at 24 going 25, I feel my metabolism tapering into a gentle slope. Will need to remind myself to adopt a good habit and ditch a bad in exchange.

Hopefully the same time next year, I'll be lugging around a new SLR camera together with my Canon S90 travelling to places a student can only dream of.

Happy Chinese New Year.

Anchor

2011-01-27T03:34:00.002+08:00

We need an anchor to tie us down to our homes. Some people get anchored naturally by family members. Some people keep a dog to foster a link between themselves and the family. Some people anchor purely out of monetary sense.

Mine is a bit of everything. This way, I won't drift away if one part fails. I'll still be wanting to go home. From what I think, guys usually develops up till around mid/late twenties. Once the big 3 comes, I don't think there'll be any major paradigm shift. Some earlier. Which means I'm about reaching the peak of acquiring and forming thought processes.

For some people, they're like the peanut plant. The surface seems pretty much like everyone else. Once they're uprooted, we suddenly see lots of unexpected lumps here and there connected in a messy root system.

Family

2011-01-18T03:59:00.002+08:00

I'm seeing a pattern with family health and displayed patterns of behaviour. We are all wired to belong and connect. That I conclude a perceived positive family health (relations) leads to a trusting, mutually beneficial social exchange. Whereas a perceived negative leads to mind games and second guessing of intent.

I was on the train with a family of 4. Parents, 2 daughters and I assume the boyfriend of the elder daughter. They had to sit opposites due to lack of seats so the family against the boy/girlfriend. Barely 1 stop away the elder daughter went to sit opposite the boyfriend, together with her family. She shared videos on her iPhone and they shared laughs, each playing off the reactions of another, effectively bonding in the train. Wonders of technology. The boyfriend obviously being left out, whips out his iPhone. I would think he sent a blank text message to his girlfriend, interrupting her session with her family from the look I see on her face. She ignored despite several instances.

What I see is what people always say about Asian culture. Happiness from relations. And a tendency to control. There are so many things wrong with her boyfriend on so many levels. All from a 10 minute observation in the train.

For the love of the human race.

2011-01-04T03:39:00.000+08:00

How many times have we said a word of praise to another person today?
How many times have we said a word of insult to another person today?

From the time we were born, people everywhere taught us to differentiate ourselves from the others.
You are a boy. And you are a girl.
You are Chinese. You are Indian. You are Malay. And you are Caucasian.
How many of you are Christians? How about you? Muslim? Hindu? Buddhist? Oh freethinker.
Ah kong and ah ma are old so you must talk a bit louder to them.

Remember we stay in a bungalow.
Keep quiet if not the apunehneh come and catch you.

See how all these childhood education influence an innocent child's thinking. Religion, race, sex and age have already been used to segregate one from another. Why not emphasise on a common identity? Don't we all live in the same country, breathe the same air, work and protect the same soil? What good can come off putting someone down? Can you be eternally sure that nothing will happen to threaten your good fortune and status?

For all the boys who were called girly; for all the girls who were called tomboys; for all the people who were called fat, ugly and stupid. For everyone who were told going to hell. For all senior citizens. At least we still have a family to fall back on. It may be harsh out there, but what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. There's no point in fighting a fool's battle. So the next time someone spouts words of acid, kick them off their high horse and gallop away on their horse with your head held up high.

For the love of the human race, let's be kinder to one another.

My baby.

2010-12-20T01:31:00.002+08:00

At 6 years of age she was discarded.
By a stroke of fate, we met at the gate.
Long claws and fur matted,
Her eyes had yellow discharge.

"Last one, no more"

Beside me through it all.
While her eyes fails more and more.
A small nose, high ears and big eyes,
Her features adores my kin.

"Go upstairs sleep"

A fussy eater she is,
And weird cravings at times.
Through the many years with her,
I'd come to know her preference.

"Go drink water"

A master at tantrums throw.
She guards her feet like treasure trove.
Alas she follows her pack instinct,
When the master shows the rod.

"Go walk-walk"

Now she only sees vaguely,
Navigation's purely on smell.
And maybe a bump or two around,
Puts everyone a frown to see.

Macabre Decembre

2010-12-14T01:09:00.002+08:00

Since I've got nothing on tonight, I thought I'd expend my mental energy to hopefully get a good night's rest. I am going to bring forward the closing for my 2010 and looking forward to the promises of 2011.

This year too marked a many of 'first'.

Got drunk.

Photography.

Hoodwinked.

Lost my camera at sea.

Revisited my enlistment.

Made an insurance claim.

Positive feedback for an article.

Reconnected with Poh. (Only recently)

Finally passing on commitments in school to the next better person.

Got 60 for marketing paper. (Really proud of this though it's only a second class upper)

There are already plans for 2011.

A 'company' trip to KL in January.

A 'graduation' trip to BKK in February.

Prelims in March.

Revision in April.

Final Exams in May.

Preparations for work in June.

Start work in July (if everything goes according as planned)

And this filled up without any dive trips.

I'm thinking of changing the direction of this blog to a more journalistic approach. So in time to come, I'd have a latitude of articles on hand to send in as samples for freelance jobs. Or I may start a new one to preserve the lineage of my skeptical perceptions. Hard and cold I may sound, I don't criticise openly or insult people unless they really cross the line. So far still zero casualty under my belt.

Many people complain about how Singaporeans lack social grace etc. I used to think that too. Until I took a closer look and realised the perpetrator wasn't local. There may be some, but they don't form the majority I hope.

I also learnt to use different ways to say 'Thank you". Different ways of intoning resonates differently with people from different background. Makes them feel more appreciated at least. Though I'd like to have more people smiling on the streets. And make less noise.

I really made use of this university period to grow. I'd think if I had not messed up my NUS interview, yes the paper I hold may be more recognised, but I'll take a few more years at least after graduation to reach my current state. I don't think I'll have the time to be so active in CCA for my first year, the time to work part time in the 2 places I worked, to shift the mindset of segregating people based on education.

To have the time to explore my definition of happiness and success, the time to read on unit 731, to read on cannibalism, and all the things I had achieved for the past 2 years. I would have a different set of friends and very likely a different set of ideologies. But still not too far off.

And it hadn't been a walk in the park either.

Grayscale.

2010-12-05T02:38:00.003+08:00

After a light coffee session with a friend, I realised I see the world quite differently from him. His view is closer to the majority I assume; one that sees the world in 2 polars. Black/white; positive/negative; good/bad. I however have broken this seemingly common sense way of experiencing life. I don't see any event as positive or negative. Happy or sad. If it happens, it happens. Events don't happen across a range within 2 extremes. They exist in this circular plane where there's no anchoring point. Things could possibly get a lot better or worse depending on circumstances and who's to know the possibilities at the point of time?

I attribute this mindset shift to buddhist/zen teachings. I remember spending some time and effort understanding the concept few months back. That is why I don't get all hyped up when I hear good news. Or bad news. And I won't say if this makes me a happier person or not. Because this means me taking away comparison and contrast.

So less suffering - yes.

Happier - no comments.

Lecture Buzz

2010-12-02T23:44:00.002+08:00

Tonight I'm going to see if I remember the people whom I see in my lectures.

# 1: Inspired

There's this big girl with big hair and big personality. I like how she ties her hair up into a mega loose mushroom-cap bun with trailing strands around. And her gold and colourful accessories paired with black blouse with gold prints. And how she shrugs her shoulder when the lecturer asks her a question. And she makes an entrance without making any effort.

This Glenn and Daniel pair, who read LKY's memoir, who were appointed the readers in my IBM class. Classic dressers. This girl who wore plain jane tees with sports shoes, glasses and a ponytail. I like her attitude. A smart girl who's unlike the majority hiau-girls around.

#2: I see you

There are a few people whom I'd seen since my first year, then second year, then again this year. It may be a bit awkward to start self-introduction out of the blue. It's tiring to make the first move when eye contact in this case suffice.

#3: Roll my eyes so much they turn one round in my head

I know I too make an entrance with my everlasting late-for-lecture streak. I remember rolling my eyes when I sat beside this girl who glanced at me, then for the entire 3 hour lecture(minus the 15 mins I was late for) kept twirling her hair and leaned in her seat. I chose to ignore. There's this group of 4 girls who kept talking and talking and giggling throughout the entire lecture. This guy who copied some other module's notes in this lecture. This girl who keeps putting her Bonia bag in the aisle seat and shows a pickle-face when I indicated I wanted the seat when I get in late for class.

Who died and made you king of anything?

2010-11-20T00:43:00.003+08:00

I'm loving this song by Sara Bareilles. (King of Anything)

It's catchy, fun and nonchalant attitude gets my feet tapping on bus rides.

As compared to her previous album, this current one sounds much light hearted. Probably trying to hit mainstream listeners, and I'm not complaining. And Kayla from ANTM Cycle 15 pops into my head with this song. I wonder why. I'd very much like to have a little more soulful tracks in this album. Gravity from her last album was like molten chocolate cake. Once more is never too many.

I think I'm getting my mental sugar rush off a diet of American products. Then again, I don't think I could even be interested in Chinese shows at all. It's an addiction!!

On a personal level, I can tick off never-getting-drunk-before from my list. Something I would not revisit any time any where. But still a life experience worth going through. I think I would sound like a social misfit if I had not gotten drunk once at all when I am 40 years old. Wouldn't I?

Once this bout of illness that I'm nursing goes away, I'll be back with a wham. That will be about time when there's no more CCA, domestic distraction, and hopefully, disdainful people to bog me down.

People always asked me why I'm quitting Salsa.

It's not so much of me quitting, but in essence, I had never joined Salsa dancing out of passion. So my reason in response to the the way the question is framed does not stick and I get repeat questionings. I don't regret any moment of immersing or investing in it because I know this is a unique experience that could not be replicated easily.

I joined when I was in my first year of university. Not because I needed to make more friends. Not because I am so passionate about dancing and self expression. Not because my friend joined and pulled me along. No, I joined alone, because I knew that the experience to come would influence my structure of 'life'. And it did in a way. I met a few inspiring people. And a few uninspiring ones. Some I'd want to attend their weddings. Some I'd rather drop my ice cream on the floor so I don't need to pretend to see them on the streets.

And there are those who joined purely out of hormonal processes. I would keep my comments of this group.

I'd learnt so much from my time dancing Salsa. More confident, more expressive, beauty of form, blah blah blah. And now that I had experienced more than 90% of what I think achievable, I think it is time for me to move on and embrace more challenges that would enrich and enhance my life. I may pop by some dance floor time to time, depending on the company.

(I sound like I'm dying, which I'm not. I'm just having a bad inflamed throat.)

Rumblings of an empty stomach.

2010-10-21T03:11:00.003+08:00

It is always at weird timings when I get an idea or a topic to write in. This one came just as I switched everything off and laid in bed waiting for my body to repair itself. Thought I need to write this in else another sleepless night, flipping about like pancakes.

That of a young girl who approached me when I was studying at a bench in school. She had a stack of papers, A5 size I think. Asked me to do a survey for her. I questioned the purpose of the survey; after being exposed to insurance companies' tactic of obtaining personal information, it's natural to be wary of such. She replied it's for her school work. I had thought her case was genuine and proceeded to fill in my details. Who knew she was lacking integrity when a person from an insurance company called few weeks later.

I understand that companies need clientele but to resort to lying and cheating, how would that reflect in brand equity?

These young people born in the information boom generation lacked the proper internalisation of moralistic values during upbringing. They have information readily available and thus, think superior of themselves if their parents educate them when they fault. Who knew the internet could not teach morals to people?

Everything has to be instantaneous.
Everything has to be interesting.
Everything has to be loud and glitzy.

Patience and virtue has been superseded by extroverted wants and demands. Why explain patiently when you could lie and get instant results?

Nobody gets hurt anyway. This I think, could be the start of the slippery slope.
First nobody.
Then 1 in 100.
Then 1 in 10.
Then 1.
Ultimately, all out-groups.
Then, we get a bigot.

My phone is better than yours.
My car is faster than yours.
My technique is sharper than yours.
My method is smarter than yours.

Just venting out my thoughts on the demise of grace and poise in most young Singaporean girls.
They say you either have it or you don't. I'm afraid those who want it have lost it years ago.

近珠者赤,近墨者黑

2010-09-26T01:02:00.003+08:00

After being at a friend's 29+1'st birthday party, I thought I was more at ease with friends from this social sphere. Then again, there is a sporadic sparse of all the people I'd come into contact that I'd very much like to spend time talking to. I point it to my in-built filter. Which means everybody I meet stands on the same pedestal for me to filter. No tinted glasses.

My mom's early childhood teachings of the vultures hanging around my father's side, craving for the next sumptuous seafood spread, complete with bottles of beer that no one else contributes to at the end of the meal; while the family at home hunted every nook for coins to barter for breakfast the day after. And true to the Chinese saying 'Monkey scatters when the tree falls', I don't see any of them anywhere for the past many years.

Human behaviour seldom change for the better. Given we had descended from the apes, English language had so given us 'Monkey see monkey do'. I don't wish to become one of the monkeys. Neither am I willing to be the tree.

September

2010-09-05T01:54:00.002+08:00

I don't know why fat and old has to be associated with negative terms. I'd think they are as neutral as the person using the words.

A few observations/realisations that kept me shifting in my seat these few weeks.

Friends - People to be taken advantage of and are obliged to help because they are tagged as friends?
Attitude - Being direct and being rude: If the line is blur, then please be neither.
Independence - Is assumed when a strong opinion is formed within a person.

My schedule keeps getting pushed around. Twice already this week, albeit for the better.
September's finally here. Meaning start of school, anticipating Bali and a more structured life. I'm keen to try out Underwater World's contract diver. See how.

Introspect

2010-08-17T02:01:00.003+08:00

I feel that at times I might be a little too self-absorbed and thus, neglecting the important people around. And at times, I feel that the 'me' interacting socially might not actually be myself. It's a weird feeling, almost like drunk driving; when you know where you are going but not sure how fast or how erratic the driving is.

With some people, I just click. While with others, it's like sandpaper against tarmac. But even within the similar frequency group, I still take some time to stand aside and evaluate individuals who deviate from my values. I'm guessing this is normal for everyone else too.

If there's an adult onset autism, I might be the first case. Or I'm just a bit fussier than everyone else with friends. I think it's my pragmatic side taking charge. Where social interaction = time + money + energy. Although economics is not my strong subject, I see myself basing this decision on purely economics term. I make these decisions based on my utility function. With the variables being the aforementioned, making up the basket of goods against my budget line.

And because of this decision process, I might have lost a few possible meaningful relations. But then again, who says I will not make the same decision the second time round.

Oh and my ang mor charbor dive buddy over the weekend was cool. She traveled across most of Asia, including India. Making my pro-India heart swaying and swelling again. Not to mention stringent buddy checks.

Sometimes.

2010-08-10T02:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes you bump into people you don't want to know.
Sometimes you bump into people you know.
Sometimes you bump into your ex.
Sometimes you get emotional.
Sometimes you hesitate.
Sometimes.

I think I am getting a clearer sense of enlightenment.
Of people, the human race, the society, the family, the friends and the lovers.

Most people I see in a relationship(not necessarily amorous - do look up on the meaning of relationship) thinks they 'own' the other person; time, affection and the periphery. And they get upset when things don't go as they controlled. That they should be their lover's top priority. And because of the perceived intimacy of the dynamics between two people, they don't respect the boundaries of the individual anymore. All pronouns other than 'we', 'us', and 'let's' ceased to exist within the warped dimension.

The above symptoms may or may not be present and an asymptomatic diagnosis probably indicates a healthy, mature relationship.

Thought Deposit.

2010-07-25T01:58:00.002+08:00

In case I'd forget I had this string of thought.

If I'm friends with people, and most people know most other people, then by extension, I would know everybody. So why then are there still nasty people out in the streets spoiling most other people's days? Unless they are the few who are on the other side of 'most people'. The few whom nobody knows and has no linear social extension.

And I'm still not sold on monogamy. Though I'd believe in it.

I think something's a little off with me. I'd think it's the lost camera, but that wouldn't make any sense since I had gotten a replacement days earlier. It could be the stress with my bothersome emails that I need to send. The sticky red tape.

My compass is whirling around an artificial magnetic field. I need to find true north again.

Holiday blues

2010-07-01T02:46:00.002+08:00

Just as I thought I would have time to enjoy my holidays, a much grander plan bulldozed into my schedule. I have not even had the time to leisurely spend a weekday afternoon basking along one of the cafes along Orchard Road, with a book in a hand and people-watching eyes ready on the prowl.

And after a fortune telling session, I'm supposed to buff up (strengthen up my body), join community work (done), learn to solve things independently (kind of what I am already doing), and decide to whether have mistresses or only one wife. Wear black/white/yellow coloured clothes with white gold accessories. Easily done.

And to have a religion and a wholesome attitude towards things. I think I'm going to go back to Buddhism. And this time, it's a personal decision to want to be acquainted with the religion and not because of parents' or friends' influences. I'm already living quite closely with certain Buddhist ideologies anyway. That every action, will have a consequence. That there is a personal responsibility, which does not go away by simply praying about it. The inter-connectedness of every living thing. I might take up meditation.

Furthermore, with the uncertain prospect of an internship, I see myself as being free only when school reopens. This is certainly not dependable as well. Cue salsa trainings and part time work.

Anyway I'm glad that for now, I had picked up the recipe for a tangy and spicy tomato soup. (Got my family addicted to it)

6 Years ago.

2010-06-19T13:58:00.002+08:00

Six years ago I wasn't ready.
Six years ago I'm still eighteen.
Six years ago I had limited exposure.
Six years ago I have not met you yet.
Six years ago.

Growing up?

2010-06-06T04:13:00.003+08:00

Another part dried up and fell off again. If growing up means needing parts of the mental structure to fall off; similar to how the seed leaves fall off a growing plant, I wonder how mine would look like in a few year's time.

In my daily dealings with people, I wonder if intense emotions that invariably surface due to mounting tensions bring out the real person, hidden beneath social civilities and manners. The actions and behaviour that arise due to the situation, is it justified to see them as part of the person or as a situational reflex - one that would happen to everyone else?

Anyway too tired to go through all this complex thinking.

Hi Jimson.

Birds of the same feather

2010-05-30T03:05:00.001+08:00

Yes they flock together. The good and the bad, and it seems there's an invisible hand guiding the division - and apparently, the cheapos.

Success

2010-05-15T02:25:00.002+08:00

Another abstract concept. How do we define success?

First there is the image of earning absurd amounts of money per month. Yes, organisations and capitalists wants us to work towards that almost impossible dream to feed their even bigger appetite. (Insatiable needs and wants therefore leads to greater economic success.) To this end, many people work towards being financial independent by 45 or 50 years old. What will you do next when your bones start creaking and everything heading south?

Secondly, the image of a happy family that television dramas and all kinds of advertisements use in order to evoke a positive emotion. A nation wide poll would readily agree to nagging mothers and/or stern fathers who never agrees to your views. Couple that with arguments and cold war, how on earth did someone came up with the 'happy family' model?

Thirdly, a celebrity. I don't think I will need to elaborate more on this.

I would like to think success as a means and not an end. If I were to define it as an end, then the next probable step would go towards mortal decay, which is contradictory to what I would have spent my entire life working towards. Therefore, I see it as how I am living out my life. To be in good company, enjoying a decent standard of living, not being forced into making certain decisions.

To quote:

'Success is waking up in the morning so excited about what you have to do that you literally fly out the door.
Its getting to work with people you love.
Success is connecting with the World and making people feel. Its finding a way to bind together people who have nothing in common but a dream.
Its falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could.
Success is joy and freedom and friendship.
And success is Love.'

McDonald's

2010-05-09T04:01:00.002+08:00

Yay for fast food. Sweet, salty, fatty food that induces my salivary glands to overproduce. Because of its informal setting, a lone meal doesn't seem as out of place as compared to a restaurant. Given my fair share of eating alone at M, I had come to realise that I enjoy watching people go by while I eat my food, especially in town. All kinds of people would come and go. Families, adolescent group, working adults, an interesting old couple today ( I could smile at this one, ask me), and other 'me's.. People sitting at a table alone.

Then I tried to form a correlation between walking speed and escalator right-of-way. Didn't manage to make the link due to inadequate crowding. And a family of 4, both children probably under 12. Shared a meal, effectively spending less than $2 per pax. People who stopped by for a 70c ice cream cone before heading onwards. People who squeezed 4 plastic saucers full of ketchup for a meal. People who pulled a 1 cm or thicker stack of tissue papers for a meal. People who put their legs up on the seat while watching some form of entertainment on Ipod/Iphone.

What M provides is much more than convenient eating. It is also a form of gathering for all mismatched customer segments, as differentiated as apples and oranges. A successful marketing campaign, except for the health conscious salad hailing group. At least 30% of upsized meals were served with the clear plastic cups - meaning either iced milo or green tea. Welcome to an increasing dress size nation :)

Mayday! Mayday!

2010-04-20T05:28:00.002+08:00

Stress from looming examination. Looking back at my past few months of lectures, I thought I could have put in more effort doing post lecture review/ pre lecture read up. And given this exceptional mix of subject combination, it'd have been extremely enlightening.

And because of this coming examination, a lot of 'want-to-do's have been put on hold. Trying to cook a particular dish, try making a cake, muffin, cookies; learn to use photoshop like a pro, finish my drawing, making more money, jog regularly, improve techniques and the list goes on.

Seems to me my holiday's going to be as packed as the rest of the calendar year, if not even more.
I'm starting to wonder if I'll be as fully packed as when I finally start working.

End of first quarter 2010

2010-04-01T02:09:00.002+08:00

Getting a bit unnerved about my coming Bachata competition coming weekend. Getting jittery as April looms with examination clouds, scheduled to rain down hard and fast in May. Getting lots of papparazi-ish news scandals on local papers (can we read something else please). Getting to read lots of 'hate posts' on the internet for whatever media posted.Getting my circadian rythm back in sync. Getting ideas formed in my head.

What goes around comes around.

2010-03-04T00:33:00.002+08:00

A recent conversation with my mom and sis got me thinking about the eroding of customs from my generation. My mom knew of what to wear, what to do and the general procession of a traditional Chinese Singaporean funeral. From the colour patch on whichever sleeve representing the gist of the deceased, to which days onwards will have the burning of offerings or the actual burial. In turn to come, I might be at a lost to the appropriate action plan, and thinking likewise of my peers, I wonder how the tradition is going to evolve.

Customs these days are generally a routine that we have to do because they are a family thing and relatives' expectations are the fodder for the aunties' tongue-wag party. If someone from somewhere performs well under expectation, the aunties are going to have a blast later. And given how micro the Singapore system is, people always get affected by such uncritical misrepresentations of themselves. If they manage to look past the situation, they'll realise that these self-contained gossips usually die out when nobody pays real attention to the topic, especially the protagonist.

Call me superstitious just as I see you superstitious believing in the voice of god; my family and I holds the concept of karma true. Retrospectively, there are lots of cases that can be dissected and explained via karma. Why some people lives on in hospital chugging up huge bills, while having no memory of their loved ones, while some experiences an instantaneous passing without the whole dramamama situation. I guess it's this concept that keeps my head clear. If I don't want to be indebted/related to anybody in any case, I wouldn't keep my emotions raised and incur anger or sadness. Because they will someday need to be repaid. If I am zen(don't care) about what bites me, then there is no need for that thing to repay that bite to me. Some being would take care of that repayment and thus leaving me out of that closed loop. This is probably the most reasonable and logical explanation to my attitude towards everything.

And trust me, it may not be the best concept for everyone, and I sometimes find it hindering with what I thought I could do better with the way I am living my life. But still, if given a choice, I would have integrated this concept the second time round.

New Lunar Year, new hopes.

2010-02-20T03:34:00.003+08:00

It's either all in the head, or that I am really sensitive to the change of 'energy' around. It's always 2 main events that affects me most; Lunar New Year and Qing Ming Festival. I'm always at my lowest energy levels during the New Year period, and simple visits or dinner will warrant me incapable of attending another event away from home. Qing Ming is usually the worst. Sleepless nights and hours of rolling and turning until 6.30 am finally arrives and everyone washes up to go to the cemetry.

Feeling my growing tummy over the inactive week, makes me want to force myself to a healthy regime of studying, working out, making out etc.. The home environment however, does not cater to my desires. First is the unhealthy air around the living room, then the lack of a decent study table. Lastly it's my hard-to-kick-start habits of taking my time doing my stuff while the day goes by.

I'll see if I am able to change my circadian rythm first. That should be the first step of the plan.

Smile.

2010-02-06T02:36:00.002+08:00

Really amazing what a smile can do. While I was on my way back from window shopping around the whole of Bugis, I strategically placed myself at the 2nd carriage from the front of the mrt, holding onto the poles with my plastic bag of grocery on the floor.

While shopping through, the crowd of slow moving people who blocked the aisles tested my patience. And to add to the inconvenience, the sales promotions were inexistent. Plus the designs on display were no where fantastic, I'm already quite non-chalant about deriving satisfaction from that trip out. The factor that tipped the scales from non-committed to self-defence mode was when the carriage gets really full 1 stop after I board.

A family stood around the pole I was standing. Because my grocery was on the floor, and the girl in the family looked fidgety, I was really concerned that she would accidentally step onto my loaf of bread or carton of milk. I mean, I couldn't possibly ask for a refund if my bread was crushed or my milk was spilt..

So while avoiding all eye contact from everyone else, thus shutting myself in, until I reached my stop, the little girl looked up at me. So, I looked down. For a second, nothing happened. Then, she smiled a smile that had no hint of ulterior intentions. Then, I felt relieved of all previous malice. Amazing what a smile can do.

Food for thought.

2010-01-31T21:27:00.002+08:00

While browsing through facebook after been satiated in my room, I came across a picture of a chilli crab in the foreground and a cheese crab I think, in the background. Then a random thought flashed through my mind.

Humans use baits to lure crabs and whatever living things out there in order to kill and consume it's meat. And humans cast huge nets and drag across the ocean, bagging tons of fishes and possibly the odd turtles or jellyfishes. What if there were something even smarter than humans who similarly use, for example, money (briefcase full of $100 notes) and then bring the unsuspecting human home to slaughter for meat and skin? And no other humans know of this existing predator because none of the humans are informed.

What if there were a super fish in the ocean, capable of weaving a net so intricate and complex that it is able to cast across the whole of east coast park and net in the cyclists, joggers, roller skaters and noisy children into the sea, thereafter keeping them afloat on the surface of the sea before choosing and deciding which to eat. And once the numbers that are reeled in starts to dwindle, it will then cast across marine parade, then tanjong katong, then pasir ris and subsequently, the whole of Singapore.

All these random ideas from a picture of a chilli crab.

Revelations.

2010-01-26T02:13:00.002+08:00

I realised that most of my post sound angst-y and borders on being hateful. I suppose they sound that way due to my daily effort of assuming a given set of behaviours from Singaporeans and them being realised before me. At least if my assumptions were not fulfilled, I'd start to feel that Singaporeans have progressed.

Anyway, I'm still a happy person. I do not revel in contempt. This is probably the easiest method and venue for me to let out some of the many thoughts that goes through my head while navigating through life's course. And that spider is still near my table.. It's a balance between compassion, fear, disgust and murderous intention.

Let's bond like super-glue.

2010-01-22T00:55:00.002+08:00

Some how I dislike congregation. It may sound like democracy is involved, but it's actually an enforced decision based on the whims of the bigger voice. Rational choice is always nonexistent. Let's go here. Let's go there. It's interesting/fun/nice/cool. Don't be a wet blanket. Be sporty. Join the fun. You don't go, I don't go. It's almost as if we're in titanic 2.

And the whole idea about who liking who is so secondary school/pubescent. Why should anyone care about who likes whom who thinks who likes whom? Yea, that's a lot of 'who's in that previous sentence. Just me miring in my sarcasm. But seriously, undergrads/ young adults who are still actively involved in such nonsense legitimise my preconception of the general Singaporean. I should think Gossip Girls provides a considerable source of influence. Or, there might not even be a hint of influence involved in the maturing stage. Really, how do I grow myself if I were to be in constant contact with such environment. It would be a blessing already if I were to not retrograde. Yes, I could educate or try to influence, and I will, limit to a handful at most. I shouldn't be responsible for anybody's personal growth at whichever stage anybody is in.

I'd come to realise, that since humans have a brain far more intelligent than most living things on earth, there should be a more worthwhile life lived rather than pursuing material abundance. The advancement of technology and proliferation of mass produced media products do not help at all. Everybody wants to be glamourous. Popular. Powerful. Influential. So much so that I feel spiritually nauseous. And yes, there's no religious reference on that statement. I shall keep my tongue off on religious topics. They are extremely sensitive and I do not think the ISA will be very much humoured with my sarcasm.

Just me pouring out my grievances after experiencing too much solidarity.

Rev up.

2010-01-11T19:25:00.002+08:00

I need to get a spark plug. To start the iron cage of predictability going. To be able to achieve efficiency and control. To disenchant my notion of the world.

Mess up.

2009-12-26T02:29:00.002+08:00

The closing for this year does not seem as purposeful as the previous one. Some how, my energy feels messed up and incongruent. Even my thought process is jumbled and inconsistent. Had a few conversations here and there to realise how my thoughts seem to contradict one at a time. And a general hazy recollection of how the year zoomed past. It's a year not well spent.

Experience wise, yes, took up diving. Brushed against by a sea turtle. Failed my first major paper. Broadened my mind a little. Performed at a national event. Still learning to whether control or let go of my emotions. And probably to better control my schedule and finance.

Happy New Year 2010. It's my year! Which means it's going to be bad.

Like what?

2009-12-04T05:07:00.002+08:00

I really do see a substantial change in this upcoming generation; one that spent at least its adolescent, if not childhood, in front of a computer screen with the convenience of high speed internet. Yes, it invariably does lead to moral degradation, and in that aspect, it's up to the parents and not the respective religious instiutions to regulate. But ultimately, it's up to the individuals who wishes to upgrade his/her spiritual existence and find a higher meaning other than to appear glamorous and popular among friends.

We all know that we should give up our seat to another pregnant lady or an old person; but the exact reason is not as compelling as the normative behaviour. Why do we want to give up the seat? To protect the foetus; protect precious bones? Or to protect our glamorous image? Do we really feel for the other person? Because if we really do, I'd find Singapore a much better place to live in. A country, where everyone thinks of everyone else; social responsibility takes the centerstage and selfish behaviour is non-existent. Recycle for the sake of recycling and not as a passing fad. Where drivers don't erratically cut into another's lane and cause near misses; nobody to jump queues; no absurd bargain prices offered.

But then again, there's no fishes if the water's too clear. So we're back to square one - to regulate or not?

Anchor me away.

2009-11-29T01:21:00.002+08:00

Like how a ship finds an anchor point.
To finally have a docking point.
Hopeless as the fuel gauge points,
When all she wanders pointlessly.

Each had come in different size.
Though the ropes don't show their size.
Big or small they lie in wait,
Till the ships approach and mates.

Anchor sees the ship afloat.
Ship couldn't see the anchor submerged.
Leaving heaps to chance and luck,
Hoping the rope remains in touch.

Left Turn Ahead.

2009-11-18T01:31:00.002+08:00

I think I'm getting better at knowing what I don't want, as opposed to just go with the crowd to not stick out. Yea, prawning *could be* fun, but what happens when it swallows the bait? Mercilessly rip the hook out from it's mouth? Stick a bamboo skewer through from it's tail to it's head while it jerks haphazardly? Slow roast one side at a time on radiating coals? Definitely not my game.

I don't need that kind of excitement in my life, that kind which kindles when an innocent life gets snuffed out by my hands. If I were 9 and innocently naive, I might find burning living things interesting. Burn leaves, burn small fishes, burn shrimps, burn ants, all over an open fire. As time goes by, the importance of life blankets over the thrill of seeing things go 'pop and hiss'. Who knows someday I might go one step further to be a vegan; but till then, I'll enjoy my share of white meat.

Double Vision

2009-10-28T01:03:00.002+08:00

Don't we just love double standards. In order to be 'right' in book sense, we judge and condemn those whom we come across are in the 'wrong'. The spoilt, the philanderer, the wilful, the traitor. How is it some people don't see themselves committing the exact same crime, while criticising another of similar actions. I'd think it's the Singaporean thing, of wanting to be 'right' all the time. If someone says you're wrong, you'd prove and defend yourself to the last illogical statement before dismissing the discourse as something not worth your time. How then would the population mature? With all the hype and hidden propaganda that we're a fine city to live in and a world class etc etc, it all seem like a severe misfit.

In my world, I don't do things that'd create unneccessary trouble for anyone; be they young, old, of different race. If I'm the first to board the bus, I'd move quickly and settle for a nice seat, instead of sauntering and be indecisive of which seat to choose.(They're all the same! There're no hidden bags of gold in any of them.) And in my world, I hate children who can't control themselves and run all over the place like some wild animals. Those who sit quietly and observe their surroundings are fine. But that's my world.

Smile, for the world.

2009-10-03T02:41:00.002+08:00

There's too many opportunities for sadness to intrude into our lives. The moment we're given life, we buy sadness a welcome drink already. It is already certain that some point in time, we're going to lose our parents. That is the very sad truth that nobody thinks about until it comes. By then, regrets and remorse starts to eat us away. Of course the other thing that no one thinks about is of our parents having sexual intercourse and all the other stuff that led to it.

Life's out to get us. We always have to work for something. And when we finally get that, another part fall off and dies. I'd think there's more sadness than happiness programmed in this world, and they are balanced in such a way that happiness is heavier than sadness, thereby allowing more sad events into the balanced equation.

And since the lost of someone back then, I'd learnt to smile. Smile for the sake of smiling, smile for your loved ones to not worry them unnecessarily. Because when you smile, happy energy is created. Pair that up with eye contact, you could potentially get away with murder. That's what Andy said. I'm usually able to do all these pretty well, until noise and whatnots gets to me directly. I think I'd lost my observer spot in life and got sucked in closer to the front stage.

Let me see what I can do to get back my spot.

Love is...

2009-09-19T05:26:00.002+08:00

It gives you a reason to fight. A reason to live life for, other than fear of death itself. Come to think of it, why do living things struggle to keep on living? Is there some sort of energy that ensures our heart keeps beating? Where does it come from, and how is it sustained? If we could find out this elusive mechanism, would we be able to create devices that would not require electricity to run?

Love gives us hope, almost similar to how religion provides that for us. A hope for a better future, a feeling at the back of your mind that someone wants you, and is waiting for you. It is accessible to all, whether the disabled, the wealthy, the miserable, the oppressed, the tyrant. How an image of a loved one brings your guard down to such a pathetic level that the sly ones are able to make away with your valuables.

It tampers with your sense of rationale, hampers decision making and could lead to the creation of a new life. They call it love bundle. Only if the parents are able to afford the costs associated. Otherwise it just becomes a bundle. Kind of like being a part of the package where nobody really wants it, but it just comes along.

Because of your love, you're afraid that your precious little something might get hurt in the nasty world out there. And to pamper it with so much royalty, it starts to think itself king. The maid is something at its beck and call. Whatever you do or say will result in total disregard since you're most likely the jester or eunuch in its little pampered world.

Your love for a student makes you jittery and anxious whenever exam periods are nearing. Nagging and timetabling strains the relationship to a rigid tension. Although its roots stems from wanting the best for him/her, the methods which were most probably outdated yet efficient, masks the original intention totally.

Love is, knowing the right amount to give, necessary reins to hold and a feel of what the one feels.

Looks Matter?

2009-09-12T02:06:00.002+08:00

So far, every of my trips to Thailand had been enjoyable. I would have no hesitations returning to Thailand; for holiday, shopping spree or whatever the plan is. My friend, on the other hand, left Thailand with a bitter sting.

According to him, and a number of stories that could be found online, he was taken to some weird tourist shop and was expected to buy jewellery or the sorts, when it was not where he wanted to go at all. Of course tempers flared on both sides and thus, imprinting this 'Thais just want to cheat my money' notion.

I had, somehow, been spared of these kind of incidents. Probably because I'd rather have walked or taken the train in Bangkok than to take a taxi and endure the infamous jam. And I avoid the tuk-tuks as well. They're tourist-traps and the most unreliable form of efficient transportation.

I like their attitude in general. Everyone's moving forward, and does not compare for the sake of comparing. They're a smiley nation and their language sounds fun - a mixture of soft and hard syllables. Lastly, not to mention the fabulous exchange rate.

Therefore, do as the locals do. Whatever they excludes in their everyday life, so would you.

101st Post.

2009-08-07T02:10:00.000+08:00

After spending my 23rd birthday over the week in Phuket, and now sitting in my chair in the comfort of an air-conditioned room, I think I'm feeling a slow conviction in really living life for it's experience. Could have been influenced by one of the very few divers that I spoke to during the entire trip. She's a grandmother by proxy - which means she hasn't given birth; but still holds the dignified motherly air. And she had travelled a very huge part of her life around the globe. Never taking inconsequential things too seriously, and gives everyone the fair amount of respect they deserve. This I feel, is a life well lived. Even though she hadn't experienced real motherhood as to what the world would make all women think a necessary stage in their life, she is happy and contented with how her's turned out. Except she had wished she had taken up diving much younger.

And I had thought of going to India someday with all necessary items in tow in a haversack, travelling across the Land of the Tiger at will. But then again, it's all out of my usual comfort zone so here's a conflict of interest - material versus inspirational. Assuming that I can only do such 'reckless' actions while I'm considerably young and fit, that leaves only a few years to accomplish. Cause I'd reckon it'll almost be impossible to embark on this interesting journey once I start into the workfield, until I'm all wrinkly and white which leaves me too susceptible to local diseases and possible infections. It's a now or never for me within my schooling years, so it's up to my conviction against practical considerations.

As for Phuket, I had finally seen an octopus trying to hide against a rock. But still no turtles.

The Fuse

2009-07-24T01:11:00.005+08:00

How easy it is to get to a person who is bound by earthly desires and frustrations. All it takes is to prod and tweak, and he'll fall right into your maze of cleverly constructed turns and tweezes. And once he goes on an explosive rampage across town, there's no collecting back what had been engulfed in the explosion.

Lately, I find myself to be too emphatically involved with what's happening around me. Quite different from how I used to be. I'll remember to be the passerby and not the witness. What made me realise was when I came across this statement that says the American society gives extroversion a higher placement than introversion. Difference between the two is not between shyness and loudness. Rather, a conscious decision to, whether derive greater satisfaction from external stimulation or internal one. One could be a class clown, while the other a painter. I've been under some influences to let it out and I think that had been a source of conflict with what/who I inherently am. Thus spiralling out of control and inflating the rage monster.

I'm still on this everlasting mission to save the world. Space out for a moment, back track to everlasting journey to know myself better, and to develop and experience human life as much as possible. We are already very much intelligent than all other life forms on earth, and there should be a reason for that. And to use that intelligence to constructive ends, instead of wasting it all on trivial matters that probably wouldn't matter in a decade or two. But what do I know, I'm still making those mistakes.

17 - 19 July 2009

2009-07-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

Finally finished my second dive trip. Feels kinda weird though, had sore back muscles. Either I'd been straining to look ahead while swimming horizontally or the mattress that I slept in was not built for a good night's rest.

Still, a nice experience. Had a few dolphins swimming and leaping beside our boat, saw a shy shark, disturbed a few nemo, and still didn't see any turtles.

Oh, and there was this baby electric ray, according to a seasoned diver. That poor thing, had 5 torch lights shone on it, and pecked by a passing fish. If it were bigger, it would have wanted to kill the five of us. Too bad it's smaller that a fist. And there was a group of small jellyfishes, accompanied by a giganormous jellyfish 5 meters below. Mummy bringing the kids out for a leisure divers-stinging outing.

Apart from a slight sunburn and lack of decent sleep, everything went well. Oh, and a very disturbing sore throat as well.

Crunch time.

2009-06-30T22:07:00.004+08:00

I'm controlling my temper already very well and they just like to turn the flame higher don't they. One practices the very fine art of double standards while the other practices the uncouth one. At least with the implosion, I can now save on a few dollars and minutes than wasting on them.

Memories

2009-06-27T00:42:00.004+08:00

How weird it feels to think back on happenings that occurred in the past. The feelings, expectations, disappointments; the smell, people around and what not that belonged to the scenery. Past birthdays, gatherings, memorable events, embarrassing events; the revelation of finally getting into the school you had hopefully wished/ wished not to enrol in.

Memories of being in the rain, smelling the smell of rain, trudging through the mud with half an umbrella over yourself, the other with another person - mother/friend/date. Memories of being in your parents arms, carried off the ground while you slumped on their shoulder trying to nod off while they walked, bobbing your chin against their shoulder with each step.

Memories of getting to know a complete stranger in hope that something positive will bloom out of the acquaintance. Of having your first personal computer, first mobile phone, first bite of that new confectionery that was the hype in town.

Alas memories are deemed past events and, in some sense, pointless to dwell any longer on them. Still, it's nice to indulge in a bit of reminiscing once in a while.

Average

2009-06-17T01:13:00.006+08:00

If we average out the number of months in a year, we're now in the middle. The average. The majority. Ever conforming, never complaining. We're at the point of no return, way past the safe middle mark(15th) and the only way is forward. Not like we could have returned in time if we wanted to in May, but being on the other end of the mid of the year makes everything seem downhill. Just like being on the wrong side of 30. Or make it 40, since life expectancy in Singapore had just been increased to 80 or 82. A long life doesn't necessarily bring a quality life. If I had to suffer the last 20 years of my remaining time, I would rather have the expectancy reduced. It all boils down to perspective. There might be masochists who enjoy living out the torturous days in pain, who painfully cling on to live another day, who regret not following their hearts wishes and finally realises that the rules that define their lives so rigidly were self-implemented.

Morals exists only when man lives in a group. To a hermit, he could touch himself all day and not feel guilt or shame; for there is no one to judge, none to be accountable to. Some people asks, "Why do you live such a carefree life?" I'd think, 'Why not?'. We do not usually go around kicking kittens into the air because we know they do feel pain. However, if kittens don't feel physical pain at all, I wonder how things are going to change. There could be a new sport in the Olympics: Kitten Tossing.

Then the scientists would research and find the miracle gene that made the kittens immune to physical attacks and implant it into humans. People would cross the road as they want and 'Hit by a bus' would no longer be in use. The new amusement ride would probably be to launch people into the air and overpopulation soon depletes the earth of resources. And because they don't die, with nothing to eat, they'll reduce to walking bags of bones; except it'll be so crowded that they just stand shoulder to shoulder instead of walking around, enduring the colourful mix of scents, patiently waiting for an asteroid to hit earth. Of course they'll survive the asteroid collision; but the lucky few might get blown off so far, they float through space for as many light years it takes until they manage to singe in the sun.

-My average thoughts

Slow Down Ahead

2009-05-30T10:41:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I'd forgotten to slow my pace down to my usual stroll.. Could be due to the scorching sun blaring down my back; could be I was rushing for an appointment. The only activity that I still take my time with is when I'm having my meal. I need to remind myself to slow own and take in the surroundings. To observe people, nature, changes and man-made creations that instill awe. To see how the rest of the world zoom by while I enjoyed it at my own pace. They say time is relative. 1 minute to the examiner is excruciatingly long, whereas an instance to the candidate.

And to never plan different chalets back to back.

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Ladies and Gentlemen

2009-05-18T02:56:00.009+08:00

An overused phrase that most emcees use to address the crowd. But are they really fit to be addressed as such?

Much as I hate to admit, Singapore has only the infrastructure of a developed nation. The people are unfortunately led to belief that they too are of a developed nation.

Any routine day along the street will provide ample evidence to support the claim. In a developed nation, the people understands that everyone is part of the country and strangers are, at the very least, countrymen. The development of any individual means the country's resource, people, is being value added.

That's hardly the case in Singapore. People will block the exits of the trains just to jostle in when the doors finally open, in hope of snatching the few seats available. Never mind if they cause inconvenience to others. As long as they have an "advantage" over others, all inconveniences caused to others other than him/herself does not matter. Even if the "advantage" is just minutes of having a place to seat. And when they eventually arrive at their stop, they'll complain about how people block the exits of their train; without thinking that they had done so to others.

And in the case of converging pedestrian lanes, they'll speed up and strive to be in front of the people around, just so that they will be "first"(yay!!) and saunter their way through. I mean, if the original intention was already to sashay down the lane, I don't see the need for anyone swaying that slowly to be in front blocking everyone else. But then again, they could very well be in a delusional reality that they are models walking down the runway with the paparazzi following behind.

Girls would complain about how guys are not gentlemen enough. Guys never hold doors for them, never pay for them, never offer help to them. I always believe in supply equals demand. If the girls are essentially ladies, then guys would certainly pick up the necessary qualities of a gentlemen. We know that it is untrue. There's always this "I'm a girl, can't you give in to me?" phrase going around. I do not think that any self respecting lady will dish out that demand. Just because of some stupid biological difference, members of the opposite sex will need to give in to whatever unreasonable complains? But then again in Singapore, everybody went through the 'Listen to instructions' education system and hardly thinks for themselves anyway. So girls win on this one.

Guys are expected to be boors, loud and be well versed in vulgarities. If any boy were to behave appropriately, well-groomed, soft-spoken, he'll eventually be targeted, teased or name-called. Thus, eroding any possible development of admirable character. It's always whoever swears the loudest, beds the most number of people, pees the farthest etc that makes the rest of the boors look up to him. Yes, they actually look up to these qualities. Not literally per se, but you know, try to get what I'm driving at. Some may not agree with what I had stated, but at least that is what I had observed for the past decades of my life.

So how far along the developed nation are we actually at?

Self-congratulatory

2009-05-03T03:46:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I'm impressed at some of the posts I had written. And yes, sounds very lame, I know.

Self service

2009-04-30T03:49:00.005+08:00

Why do we treat those who are not related to us better than those who are? Is it because there is absolutely no way we could ever use the help of those related to us? Doesn't seem the case since I have seen children do bad things to their parents. They'd need their parents for pocket money and a place to stay, yet disrespect and neglect them. Same to their siblings or cousins. That is why sometimes I hate my siblings.

And the quote ' We can't choose our relatives, thank god we can choose our friends', could well be the reason why we treat others better. See, if family were nice, understanding and not irritating at all, I don't see any reason why anybody would rather spend weekends with friends than with family. Of course there are overbearing friends, irritating friends and nice and understanding friends; that is why there is a need for personal space some times.

I used to think, what if others found me irritating; just as I find some. That was way back in adolescent. I had since ventured out of that dangerous place and I urge others to stay away from there. I had escaped before it started to show signs of desperation for acceptance, which unfortunately, I can see in some of the people around me. They'll hold whatever opinions they have of me, as long as I know what I am doing doesn't repulse myself.

The preoccupation of self could be one of the very negative effects born from the Singapore education system. From young, everyone was told no one would employ you if you could not graduate with decent results. Since then, everybody became result-centric. People only do things only if it contributes back to them somehow. And it could manifest into this situation: why should I give you money even if you are my mother? You chose to give birth to me and the money I earned belongs to me. See how everything goes back to self satisfaction/ preoccupation. Him, her or they doesn't matter as much as me. It's me, myself and I. That is what I hate.

Envy

2009-04-20T02:34:00.004+08:00

The sister of Jealousy. She's not as spiteful nor bitter. At times, she could be as gorgeous as the velvet skies. I got acquainted with her some nine years ago, at a friend's house. She had resided in that house, till the moment I came by. Ever since, she had been silently following me around; voicing out during the very occasional time, when she set her eyes on something nice. Either the jewellery, the fashion, the money or the figure. Thankfully I had not met her sister, and I don't intend to for as long as I could.

And as indicated in earlier posts, I will her to behave appropriately. Never allowing her to wander off to extremes, and attempting to quell her hissy fits. And I will continue to do so, until she gets tired of not being able to do as she wishes and leaves voluntarily. When that time comes, we will part amiably and wish each other well in our future endeavours.

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Perspective

2009-04-14T23:10:00.004+08:00

It's all about perspective. You may feel everyone is against you; your friends, your teachers, your colleagues, your siblings, your mother, your father. You may feel that everything is out to get you. You miss your bus, your train, you misplace your umbrella when it rains cats and dogs.

All these sounds genuinely unfair, until you learn that the person is extremely stubborn and rude, linguistically assaulting everyone around. Someone who never keeps to schedules, always late and disorganised.

Two different perspectives summarising the same characteristics of an individual. Just a choice of words and the emotions involved are total opposites. And you wonder why.

Colours

2009-04-06T04:42:00.002+08:00

The wind sings in colours; red in gusts, blue in breezes, green over the sea and white through clouds. It'd be nice to stand in a gust of red and see pink swirls trailing after. The artificial breeze created by electric fans would probably be colourless; no identity nor character. Always at a constant strength, never complaining, never commenting.

When everyone rests and dreams under the stars, a purple wind might pass through the neighbourhood, rustling over strewn litter, watching over the homeless. Neither favouring nor discriminating, it goes by without a fuss.

Always in aid to those in transport, early merchants favoured the green. And once in a while a black wind comes, and wives would weep dearly at the shore.

Life

2009-04-01T05:23:00.004+08:00

What is the purpose of living? We need air, food and water to continue our existence; and procreate to, in some sense, leave part of us to continue living when we're gone. For millions of years, since the age of monsters(dinosaurs), there has been a constant struggle to be the fittest. And through random selection, humans evolved to what we are now.

There had been significant progress in just over a period of a hundred years, and what thought were impossible to achieve had been achieved. And because of the speed at which progress is brought about, people tend to focus on immediate gratification and instantaneous results. Everyone knows there is no free lunch in this world, yet falls for deals that promise returns which are too good to be true. Lose 5 inches in 5 days. Earn $3ooo a month reading emails. The success of a few in such unconventional methods are broadcast in all sorts of media, and the average man thinks he too should be as promising.

And what is the purpose of us living in this world? Ask anyone off the streets and the standard model of ageing would be to get an education, work in some business organisation, get married and have children, and die. I mean, in a cycle, nothing gets moving. It just loops and repeats all over, with different sets of people. The same goes for fishes in the sea, the trees, the rivers and ocean and earth's revolution around the sun. The only exciting change so far would probably be the increasing temperature around the world. When nature could no longer sustain the environment conducive for living things' survival, I'll be ready for a show.

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I would.

2009-03-22T01:49:00.003+08:00

I would willingly carve my heart out and see it in the shape of a heart.
I would willingly rip my soul out and see it fade away.
I would stick pins in my flesh and savour the pain.
I would take a stroll in the park and feel the warmth from the sun.
I would hold an umbrella under the storm and feel nature's sorrow.

I will hold your hand and share this world with you.

Food

2009-03-16T00:48:00.002+08:00

Hm lately I link my posts to food.. I wonder why.

Like how certain food evokes experiences and memories past. For me, McDonald's curry sauce( available in Singapore) reminds me of my childhood McDonald's experience. The people around, the smell of McDonald's hand wash, the retro big packet of curry sauce. Maybe that's why my comfort food of choice is probably from the M corporation.. It reminds me of simpler times subconsciously.

Then there is chicken rice, nasi lemak and fish head steamboat. The last one reminds me of my much hated family night supper when I was around 6 years old. I hated the surroundings, the fish, the taste of the soup, the fact that I could not sleep in my bed. Strangely I find myself liking the dish now.

Strangers

2009-03-06T01:05:00.002+08:00

Depressed girl, depressed girl, how often do you smile at others?

When people look at you they feel drained and down, they think of suicide.

With a glance all happiness gone, what happens in a stare?

All through no fault of yours, blame it on the eyes.

2 pumpkins sitting in a cafe, chitter-chattering.

A yellow dress, a black dress, waiting for midnight's stroke.

"Oh my that's pretty" I want that myself, she thinks.

My prince charming arrives at 12, they each had thought were true.

Block

2009-02-24T17:06:00.002+08:00

I think I lost my creative juices for this period of time.

The Other Nightmare

2009-02-15T00:42:00.003+08:00

Departure of warmth
By will or otherwise
Feeelings of damp
And the lights all gone

Intrusion of the Other
Thus sanity corrupts
Faces once dear
Now bared with murderous intent

Forced into a corner
Kill or be killed
Free it from its pain
Through a broken steel pipe

With a jolt of light
All apparitions dispelled
Where did this come from
The full moon perhaps

Extreme Ends

2009-02-12T01:14:00.006+08:00

It's interesting how different words in negative sense have seemingly similar/same word(s) in their positive sense.

Poor - Rich
Bland - Rich
Dull - Rich

And the list goes on to show polarity in our lives. Many people want to only experience the positive side of life, and avoids the negative ones as much as possible. But without experiencing the least favourite side, how does a person experience real positive

How do we know we are satiated if we don't know hunger? Disappointment if hope, Embarrasment if impression, Conformity if freedom? Thus, any decisions made should have brought these qualities into consideration. Will there be regrets if a certain decision is made, and what will be lost, for the gain? If the food is very rich in flavours, the freshness of the ingredients will be masked. So will you cook with strong flavours or will you cook to bring out the freshness? Strong flavours keep the food apart from other cuisines; fresh food brings returning customers.

I would think this concept is the main reason for my apparent 'calmness' to everything as described by people around me. By balancing everything, hope and disappointment, happiness with sad, anger with compassion and the practicality of actions, I attained my air of cucumber.

Condensed thoughts

2009-02-03T12:14:00.003+08:00

All he liked was to sleep,

from the time he learned to speak.

A 10 to 12 hours at ease,

Quiet and easy he was to keep.

Among the 3 he was the best,

At exams and common sense.

One more thing I'd like to add,

His exceptional dressing sense.

A difficult book to read,

Except for friends close to him.

A few secrets he keeps within,

Revealed to those he trusts complete.

Greeted by lust from those he meets,

Their intentions accurately he reads.

A human shield he parry their needs,

Cold and hard he sometimes had been.

A quiet time he liked to spend,

With a paper and a pen.

Away from the sickening mass,

Amazed at their inept progress.

Worse than before?

2009-01-31T04:09:00.006+08:00

Some times I wonder if our society is getting less tolerant and less acceptable of the diversity of humankind. I believe there nothing as absolute right, or absolute wrong. Like for example, it is totally acceptable when a caucasian mother wears spaghetti straps out for shopping while it is very frowned upon a muslim mother to dress that way. Both protagonists are women who had married and given birth to children, only difference is perhaps religion. I think, people nowadays are trying harder than before to prove that they are right and be heard as spewing the right things, and thus using the muslim mother as a means of feeding their thirst for being in the 'holy-rightness'. They want progress and modernity, yet they still hold firm to their inaccurate interpretation of religion. Back then, when science is gaining popularity over religion, there was modernisation. How then did we go back to using religion to explain 'miracles' brought about by medicine?

Another is how people treat another human being. A person's character can be judged quite accurately, by how they treat the people serving them. Most can be classified under the 'selfish' category in Singapore. They can be driving expensive cars and brag about their recent buys of branded goods, and still scrimp like a miser. Also how they scold the maid for doing things so slowly, not up to their expectations, ask for a cheaper maid from less developed countries and still expect the maid to know how to use modern household appliances. And the child in the family sees how his/her parents treat the maid, and being brought up in this society that is conducive for developing a closed mind, the child in turn, treats the maid the same way as his/her parents.

What they don't realise is the maid is also someone else's child, someone else's relative, forced by circumstances to work thousands of miles from home for a meagre sum in hope of better conditions back home. They would assume that the maid is their property, at their constant beck and call 24/7. That is the problem here. They would have this thinking of: "Why does the maid have time to sit and watch television? Ask her to do something. We are paying her you know."

This again, is spawned by our elitist society. You have the money, you belong to the upper class. You look down on people serving you since they need to serve you for a living. You have the brains, you look down on those with lesser qualifications. You are smarter and are always right. People around are stupid and are wrong all the time. There is no need for social grace or manners since these qualities are not required in this society. All you need is money and a closed mind.

Closed mind: A state where your beliefs and thinking is influenced by what people important to you say. There is no self-opinion or judgement, and critical thinking is almost inexistant. There is also no room for differing viewpoints and everything that falls outside of your beliefs is wrong or immoral.

Love

2009-01-20T00:58:00.002+08:00

How do you define your love for another?

Love, to your parents.
Love, to your children.
Love, to your friends.
Love, to your partner.
Love, to your siblings.
Love, to your fellow human beings.
Love, to your environment.

Will it be like a cage holding in a bird?

To never let it take flight and risk potential injuries and predators, thus not learning the truth about the real world?

Or will it be set free to roam about, and eventually knowing where to return home, growing and learning more each day?

Suppose a young man crosses his path with an enchanting lady and falls head over heels. His friends ask him to profess his deep love for her. Should this be labelled as love? Can this be defined as love?

And the three words, 'I love you'. I believe that there is no need to say it in words. They should be spelt out with actions. And I am not referring to expensive dinners and gifts, or standing in the rain with a bouquet. Since love is a conscious decision made every single day, according to one of my good friends, any moves made that will possibly wreck a relationship would not be salvaged using the un-magical 3 words. That is how far deep I believe these 3 words extend beyond.

Anyway, to the happily in love couples, happy humping.

The Red Arrow

2009-01-02T02:27:00.002+08:00

Over the mountains and hills, between coconut trees and sandy beaches, all kinds of arrows sprout from the earth. Each painted a different colour and of different shade. They are of different shapes and sizes, but can be categorised into different groups by the trained eyes.

Unfortunately, it is not easy to master the skill to categorise the arrows as they tend to shape-shift spontaneously. The untrained one, unaware of the dangers, unwittingly gets hit occasionally by the poisonous ones. Since the only advice given by the masters is "To look within yourself and you will be able to distinguish eventually", many find it difficult to even know how to start.

Since the arrowed path is in the rurals, very few people traverse on it. Thus any unfortunate who gets poisoned will be too weak to carry on by himself, thus gets towed away by the roaming trolls. Alas after getting hit a few times, the untrained eyes finally spotted a red arrow, and with a determined mind, secured himself to the red arrow and fired off, following it's trajectory into nothingness.

Closing for the year.

2008-12-30T16:47:00.003+08:00

I guess this should be the last for the year. This year has been a first-experience for lots of things. First understudy( kill me), first dance lessons, first time working part-time, and a few other experiences worth getting a voodoo doll to jinx people.

There are a few lessons that are valuable for personal growth this year, all in all not a lousy one. Hope that 2009's economy will not be as bad as predicted. And I still like to have my 10 hour sleep from time to time. Happy New Year!

Rainy afternoon

2008-12-24T17:33:00.003+08:00

Under the gloomy skies
Amidst the patter of raindrops
In the shelter of home,
Pop music danced with hokkien songs.

Whizzing of cars outside,
Interspersed with the sizzle of fry
No conversations were held meaningful
Engrossed in their respective entertainment.

Comfortable with the current state
Where exchange of words depends on circumstance
One can be sure
Of solidarity in times of needs.

Memories

2008-12-16T07:00:00.002+08:00

I'd still remember your warmth, your embrace.
When I close my eyes, I'd still feel you sometimes.
For every touch, delicate and desired,
I'm forced to hate and forget.

A very typical Singaporean myopic view on everything

2008-12-16T06:21:00.003+08:00

One very good example will be the new paper's report on the recent zoukout 2008 held in Sentosa. On the hopes of better paper sales, only frisky images published, captured by nothing-better-to-do-at-a-party-venue-goers will readers pick up a copy to read. And to further prove their point that this party event is uncontrollable, housewives' opinions are interviewed. And I am positive that there can be no more than 1,000 couples engaged in the above mentioned behaviour. Taking 25,000 clubbers as published, it should be safe to say that no more than 4% of the total population does that.

The typical Singaporean however, sees whatever the paper prints as actual happenings. Thus, assuming that zoukout is an event for people to get drunk and get violated voluntarily or otherwise. This in turn, fuels the paper to print even more of such skewed reports on happenings around. And thereby, feeding the typical Singaporean even more skewed reports in a cycle. The over-used phrase of looking two sides of a coin is very lacking in the news locally. I wonder whose fault; the people or the control of prints in Singapore.

Anyway, overheard this when I took this picture: "OMG, who sat on it?"

Freestyle Interpretation

2008-12-06T04:08:00.007+08:00

2

3

4

Yes, please feel free to comment on your interpretation of the above 5 pieces of drawings. Some have no meanings at all, but I'd like to have some feedback if any of the drawings gives off any strong feelings. Thank you.

Busy Busy Busy Bee

2008-12-01T22:22:00.002+08:00

Yea, as if I work as hard as the bee. Schedules are getting packed nonetheless. Christmas is nearing, thus more days for work, and a few weeks left to squeeze before a dance performance in January. The working hour is very much less than during my days at AFS, but still, somehow manage to drain me.. I think I should cut back on my gaming time.. And that can be accomplished in a perfect world.

Untitled

2008-11-09T02:10:00.002+08:00

Of a clashed lineage
Coerced through circumstance
Driven by Lust
and Freedom by the other

The absence of conversation
Neglect of home
A false front he created
Among peers he succeeded

Following a beep
To the nines he'd dress
Without a word
He'd depart in the wee of night

Seeds of suspicion germinated
Set a tail she did
Lost him on both occassion
Abandonment she concieved

Caught wind of her thoughts
Through whispers of her tree
Determined to thwart her plans
Success he had

Posted abroad for work
Returned only at Quarters
Delighted and animated before his last departure
Who would expect his demise

Struck when told of his death
Wept and depressed she was
Hugged her children dearly
"You're all I have left"

Flew over to collect his remains
Greeted by colleagues and a woman
Weeping and hitting the coffin desperately
She's here for money they lied.

Movie

2008-11-09T01:48:00.002+08:00

Finally managed to catch this movie that I had set my mind on. Blindness.

The movie took little time to step right into the plot and I rank it No.1 in my list. Above Red Cliff, Dark Knight, House Bunny. There are moments when the sensuality is so intense, you feel for the characters. Also shows another side of humanity, when robbed of sight. Simply loved this show.

Life

2008-10-26T02:11:00.004+08:00

How do we measure a good and fulfilling life?

By how many people we know?
By the amount of money we earn?
By having a complete family?
By leaving behind a legacy that will influence generations?
By the success in our career?

Somehow the competition created by our capitalistic economy made people lose track of what they find important initially. The material pursuit replaced the once innocent drive to desire a better change in the community's solidarity. The wealthier we become, the more guarded we are against people - regardless of stranger and not. The more myopic we see the world and situation. The more distant we become from the ones we love. The less the need to broaden our horizon since there is absolutely no need to expand our knowledge of the world. As long as we can remain status quo, who cares about enrichment.

Community involvement and contribution seemed secondary at times. Someone else will do that. If we do not gain anything from the activity, there is hardly a reason for us to do. Only dozens of years later, when we reflect on what we have done for most parts of our lives, will we realise that we had been working for 30-40 years of our prime. When our bones are brittle and muscles degenerated will we recall our youthful drive for personal growth. Only then will we start to regret not having done things that will not contribute to our financial accumulation. Only then will we see that money had blinded us to what we really wanted in our lives. We will have countless regrets and find it impossible to carry out the wishes.

Only then will we see that we have lived our lives for nothing.

Sociology and Religion

2008-10-21T21:31:00.008+08:00

Now, these thinkers' works have made me think the purpose of religion in our society, as well as the need for one.

That the religious beliefs and practices provided individuals the necessary resources to live their lives in a group. Religion provided the constraining forces to human behaviour. This however, is limited only to mechanical(primitive) societies. In organic(modern) societies, religion does not have the same power as compared to the mechanical society. People therefore requires other sets of beliefs and values to constrain behaviour, thus preventing anomie(lawless-ness). These forces he believed, to be Nationalism and even belief in the power of science.

Emile Durkheim (1858-1917) - Sociologist/Philosopher

Another philosopher theorised that Gods did not create humanity; humanity created gods. These 'gods' were the crystalline of human thought. As science was not as developed way back then, people tried to un-murk the reasons of disasters and bad periods of their lives. The believers thereby, attributed whatever powers they couldn't explain by their under developed science to a higher power. Over time, these feelings spread and deepen as well. Resulting in the birth of a strong faith in that religion. He however insists that religion is necessary for man to search for himself and is what separates him from animals.

Ludwig Andreas Feuerbach (1804-1872) - Philosopher

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Energy

2008-10-16T23:38:00.002+08:00

I think after about 2 months since school started, everything is falling into place. I'm getting the student lifestyle feel back, and am beginning to enjoy my school. And I should stop having all these late nights; they're clouding my mind, which is not a very good thing since I tend to classify information received into important to remember and not important. So, if I have to ask for relevant details(names, stay at, study at, etc.) again and again, you know which department in my brain you'd been shelved.

Salsa's moves have also stepped up, and it's going to be exciting and fun~ Everybody's still a bit reserved so there are times when I feel I've got 2 left feet.

Powderful England.

2008-10-12T02:06:00.008+08:00

Bad english always makes me cringe and wonder. Like I came across this: China milk now found save to be consumed.

Maybe it's an honest mistake. Because it is safe to save your money in a safe. And not save to safe your money in a save. There are many other examples and correcting them will just make me seem like I'm an english expert etc. when I myself is capable of committing such mistakes sometimes. Of course reading english signs translated from chinese is entertaining.

1, 2 step

2008-10-06T05:04:00.003+08:00

Received a call last night regarding the commence of dance classes. Yup, that's right, I signed up for salsa:

A spicy sauce of chopped, usually uncooked vegetables or fruit, especially tomatoes, onions, and chili peppers, used as a condiment.
Music. A popular form of Latin-American dance music, characterized by Afro-Caribbean rhythms, Cuban big-band dance melodies, and elements of jazz and rock

I thought it will be a fun experience and since I'm considering learning dancing at one point or another of my life, why not learn when my dance partners are around my age.

Also, I think the relationship I have with my dog has reached the ultimate bond. I know exactly what she wants or needs and she understands whatever commands I spew. Sometimes she disturbs me, and sometimes I disturb her. It's a win-win situation. I wonder what will happen when she departs. Her smell, her coat, her twisted nails, the way she tries to focus on the outside, never could be replaced.

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PM Lee says he's sad to learn of opp. leader's J.B. Jeyaretnam’s death.

2008-10-01T23:57:00.001+08:00

Sounds like plastic food display.

All you have to do is release the grips.

2008-10-01T00:44:00.004+08:00

Heartache. Lost. Dejected. Jaded. Rejected. Worn-out. These words are too negative and attracts negative thoughts/energies. Disassociate them as soon as possible.

There is no automatically recovering emotionally from a split relationship. The healing process begins only with the wanting to move on. Some people just enjoy wallowing in their "situation" when there is none.

First step, make a sincere acknowledgement that the spilt milk has gone bad and evaporated. Leaving behind a sour smell and crusted stain.

Next, throw out whatever that brings that pot of milk speeding into your head. That pot of milk is spilt. Gone forever.

Most importantly, whenever that pot of milk comes popping into your head, remember and focus all the negative things that pot of milk did. Diarrhoea, vomit, curdled etc. Really bring up all kinds of hates and dislikes and surely, anyone should be able to wash out the milk stain and sour smell.

I'd probably need to read this sometime myself.ead more >> Options >>

Mirror, mirror on the wall

2008-09-29T08:01:00.002+08:00

Dreamt of a past affair;
Waves of andrenaline gushed and ebbed.
Amidst an episode of adventure;
Forced to converse by circumstance.

Of warmth and content;
Cleared of previous riddles.
By a hug, a kiss, affection;
I fought to be as before.

Alas it was all a dream;
Constructed through earthly desires.
And the words that remain from the parting;
"Because I couldn't control you".

Emotions

2008-09-24T14:11:00.002+08:00

It's a world where nothing is ever enough. Show too much emotions, you'll get shunned. Show too little, you're boring. It's the best guess a person can make of another's feel of the conversation.

Feelings of love can easily turn around to feelings of hate. For you need to love someone that strong to hate so strongly. Same thing for happiness/sadness. When emotions are concealed, people find it difficult to really bond. It might be a self-protection mechanism that runs subconsciously. When something eventful happened many years back and not dealt with immediately. It could slowly evolve to create an artificial wall where the real person hides behind it. No real emotions flows through that wall. What goes through is intentionally created and presented. There is no knowing what the person is trying to protect from, unless the problem is tackled on the root level. Which is a demanding task.

So many things swirl beyond the surface. Many people, sadly, focuses on the surface.

The going-the-distance woman

2008-09-11T16:51:00.002+08:00

Weird sounding title I know. This post is for the woman who went the extra mile in service when I visited KFC yesterday, noon. I had various orders requests and all were taken smoothly, and had to wait for my food to be prepared/packed. When she called me to collect my food, and explained the contents in the bag, I totally forgotten about my cheese fries. I exited the outlet and went ahead for almost 1 street away before hearing yellings behind me. She ran after me and once gotten my attention, ran back to the outlet to serve the remaining of the queue.

Hm on hindsight, how come she did not bring the fries out also?

Where the wind blows

2008-08-31T01:47:00.005+08:00

A subtle change in the colour of the leaves went noticed.
A gentle breeze swept pass.
A definite pining hung over the midnight skies.
Will there be a dance?

A new moon changed.
More pine trees sprouted.
The breeze flowed on.
Under the stars a smile broke.

The breeze wavered for moments.
Though the fallen leaves still get swept away when it came.
Wheel of fortune perhaps.
Maybe the wind is tired?

Abrupt as the tropical storms.
Whispered through the clouds.
The wind will not pass through again.
Will there be a dance?

Unfurling Dust

2008-08-22T23:29:00.001+08:00

Still waiting for everything to quietly fall into place. Too much stuff orbiting around and I'm feeling extremely unsettled. Probably need to schedule in a timetable to get things started. Also a yellow crystal cave for myself.

Singapore's population will be halved by 2070?

2008-08-04T22:39:00.006+08:00

According to statistics, that is how it looks with the current fertility rate, without the influx of foreign citizens. The government sure is finding ways to boost and encourage Singaporeans to have more children.

Practical point of view; with the rising cost of owning a car (think endless ERP gantries - a kind of electronic toll system, exhorbitant Certificate of Entitlement (COE), sky-high petrol prices), majority of the population will choose public transport. For the child bearer and families, it's hassley-hassle. And a safety consideration too, to squeeze into overcrowded public transport.

And to top with rising costs - utilities, food, education, space, time, energy, these considerations are not simply pacified or quelled by monetary encouragement by the thousands. Add in labour pain, morning sickness and medical bills, people wonder why the citizens are not giving birth. The work culture is also not a greenhouse situation for families. Weekdays are usually worked from early morning to 7-ish/8pm where is time for family bonding or even family making.

To sum it up, Hail Foreign Influx. They're the economical and win-win situation for the work environment/ population index.

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03 August 2008

2008-08-03T23:37:00.006+08:00

A close cluster of friends celebrated mine and another's birthday this evening. Had fun and enjoyed the gathering. Will be looking forward the the next, and many more. Special thanks to the card maker. Must have spent a lot of effort on making the card. And the reversible belt. Definitely wasn't expecting that versatility.

Glow-in-the-dark.

I'll be having fun dressing to the colourful side of the belt. Woohoo~

Also received another black sling bag. I'll find a suitable iron-on patch to add 'character' to it. Many thanks again.

Another year older. Then many more in a wink.

60% fat?

2008-07-27T01:12:00.002+08:00

Yea, read somewhere that the brain is made up of 60% fat. So, that is why fat is also being streamed into good and bad fats.

Animal fats - Bad fats.
Fish fats (oil) - Good fats.

So, guess it's not a very good idea to have a fat percentile that's close to zero.

Also, that the first 20 years of your life seemed to make up of 50% of your lifetime, retrospectively. After 20, the years seem to skip and hop and suddenly the 30's, 40's and 50's seem to whizz by. So, just be happy for the first 20 years and you're happy for more than half your life. This piece of info certainly is overdue for most people I guess..