Double Vision

Don't we just love double standards. In order to be 'right' in book sense, we judge and condemn those whom we come across are in the 'wrong'. The spoilt, the philanderer, the wilful, the traitor. How is it some people don't see themselves committing the exact same crime, while criticising another of similar actions. I'd think it's the Singaporean thing, of wanting to be 'right' all the time. If someone says you're wrong, you'd prove and defend yourself to the last illogical statement before dismissing the discourse as something not worth your time. How then would the population mature? With all the hype and hidden propaganda that we're a fine city to live in and a world class etc etc, it all seem like a severe misfit.

In my world, I don't do things that'd create unneccessary trouble for anyone; be they young, old, of different race. If I'm the first to board the bus, I'd move quickly and settle for a nice seat, instead of sauntering and be indecisive of which seat to choose.(They're all the same! There're no hidden bags of gold in any of them.) And in my world, I hate children who can't control themselves and run all over the place like some wild animals. Those who sit quietly and observe their surroundings are fine. But that's my world.

Smile, for the world.

There's too many opportunities for sadness to intrude into our lives. The moment we're given life, we buy sadness a welcome drink already. It is already certain that some point in time, we're going to lose our parents. That is the very sad truth that nobody thinks about until it comes. By then, regrets and remorse starts to eat us away. Of course the other thing that no one thinks about is of our parents having sexual intercourse and all the other stuff that led to it.

Life's out to get us. We always have to work for something. And when we finally get that, another part fall off and dies. I'd think there's more sadness than happiness programmed in this world, and they are balanced in such a way that happiness is heavier than sadness, thereby allowing more sad events into the balanced equation.

And since the lost of someone back then, I'd learnt to smile. Smile for the sake of smiling, smile for your loved ones to not worry them unnecessarily. Because when you smile, happy energy is created. Pair that up with eye contact, you could potentially get away with murder. That's what Andy said. I'm usually able to do all these pretty well, until noise and whatnots gets to me directly. I think I'd lost my observer spot in life and got sucked in closer to the front stage.

Let me see what I can do to get back my spot.

Love is...

It gives you a reason to fight. A reason to live life for, other than fear of death itself. Come to think of it, why do living things struggle to keep on living? Is there some sort of energy that ensures our heart keeps beating? Where does it come from, and how is it sustained? If we could find out this elusive mechanism, would we be able to create devices that would not require electricity to run?

Love gives us hope, almost similar to how religion provides that for us. A hope for a better future, a feeling at the back of your mind that someone wants you, and is waiting for you. It is accessible to all, whether the disabled, the wealthy, the miserable, the oppressed, the tyrant. How an image of a loved one brings your guard down to such a pathetic level that the sly ones are able to make away with your valuables.

It tampers with your sense of rationale, hampers decision making and could lead to the creation of a new life. They call it love bundle. Only if the parents are able to afford the costs associated. Otherwise it just becomes a bundle. Kind of like being a part of the package where nobody really wants it, but it just comes along.

Because of your love, you're afraid that your precious little something might get hurt in the nasty world out there. And to pamper it with so much royalty, it starts to think itself king. The maid is something at its beck and call. Whatever you do or say will result in total disregard since you're most likely the jester or eunuch in its little pampered world.

Your love for a student makes you jittery and anxious whenever exam periods are nearing. Nagging and timetabling strains the relationship to a rigid tension. Although its roots stems from wanting the best for him/her, the methods which were most probably outdated yet efficient, masks the original intention totally.

Love is, knowing the right amount to give, necessary reins to hold and a feel of what the one feels.

Looks Matter?

So far, every of my trips to Thailand had been enjoyable. I would have no hesitations returning to Thailand; for holiday, shopping spree or whatever the plan is. My friend, on the other hand, left Thailand with a bitter sting.

According to him, and a number of stories that could be found online, he was taken to some weird tourist shop and was expected to buy jewellery or the sorts, when it was not where he wanted to go at all. Of course tempers flared on both sides and thus, imprinting this 'Thais just want to cheat my money' notion.

I had, somehow, been spared of these kind of incidents. Probably because I'd rather have walked or taken the train in Bangkok than to take a taxi and endure the infamous jam. And I avoid the tuk-tuks as well. They're tourist-traps and the most unreliable form of efficient transportation.

I like their attitude in general. Everyone's moving forward, and does not compare for the sake of comparing. They're a smiley nation and their language sounds fun - a mixture of soft and hard syllables. Lastly, not to mention the fabulous exchange rate.

Therefore, do as the locals do. Whatever they excludes in their everyday life, so would you.

101st Post.

After spending my 23rd birthday over the week in Phuket, and now sitting in my chair in the comfort of an air-conditioned room, I think I'm feeling a slow conviction in really living life for it's experience. Could have been influenced by one of the very few divers that I spoke to during the entire trip. She's a grandmother by proxy - which means she hasn't given birth; but still holds the dignified motherly air. And she had travelled a very huge part of her life around the globe. Never taking inconsequential things too seriously, and gives everyone the fair amount of respect they deserve. This I feel, is a life well lived. Even though she hadn't experienced real motherhood as to what the world would make all women think a necessary stage in their life, she is happy and contented with how her's turned out. Except she had wished she had taken up diving much younger.

And I had thought of going to India someday with all necessary items in tow in a haversack, travelling across the Land of the Tiger at will. But then again, it's all out of my usual comfort zone so here's a conflict of interest - material versus inspirational. Assuming that I can only do such 'reckless' actions while I'm considerably young and fit, that leaves only a few years to accomplish. Cause I'd reckon it'll almost be impossible to embark on this interesting journey once I start into the workfield, until I'm all wrinkly and white which leaves me too susceptible to local diseases and possible infections. It's a now or never for me within my schooling years, so it's up to my conviction against practical considerations.

As for Phuket, I had finally seen an octopus trying to hide against a rock. But still no turtles.

The Fuse

How easy it is to get to a person who is bound by earthly desires and frustrations. All it takes is to prod and tweak, and he'll fall right into your maze of cleverly constructed turns and tweezes. And once he goes on an explosive rampage across town, there's no collecting back what had been engulfed in the explosion.

Lately, I find myself to be too emphatically involved with what's happening around me. Quite different from how I used to be. I'll remember to be the passerby and not the witness. What made me realise was when I came across this statement that says the American society gives extroversion a higher placement than introversion. Difference between the two is not between shyness and loudness. Rather, a conscious decision to, whether derive greater satisfaction from external stimulation or internal one. One could be a class clown, while the other a painter. I've been under some influences to let it out and I think that had been a source of conflict with what/who I inherently am. Thus spiralling out of control and inflating the rage monster.

I'm still on this everlasting mission to save the world. Space out for a moment, back track to everlasting journey to know myself better, and to develop and experience human life as much as possible. We are already very much intelligent than all other life forms on earth, and there should be a reason for that. And to use that intelligence to constructive ends, instead of wasting it all on trivial matters that probably wouldn't matter in a decade or two. But what do I know, I'm still making those mistakes.

17 - 19 July 2009

Finally finished my second dive trip. Feels kinda weird though, had sore back muscles. Either I'd been straining to look ahead while swimming horizontally or the mattress that I slept in was not built for a good night's rest.

Still, a nice experience. Had a few dolphins swimming and leaping beside our boat, saw a shy shark, disturbed a few nemo, and still didn't see any turtles.

Oh, and there was this baby electric ray, according to a seasoned diver. That poor thing, had 5 torch lights shone on it, and pecked by a passing fish. If it were bigger, it would have wanted to kill the five of us. Too bad it's smaller that a fist. And there was a group of small jellyfishes, accompanied by a giganormous jellyfish 5 meters below. Mummy bringing the kids out for a leisure divers-stinging outing.

Apart from a slight sunburn and lack of decent sleep, everything went well. Oh, and a very disturbing sore throat as well.

Crunch time.

I'm controlling my temper already very well and they just like to turn the flame higher don't they. One practices the very fine art of double standards while the other practices the uncouth one. At least with the implosion, I can now save on a few dollars and minutes than wasting on them.

Memories

How weird it feels to think back on happenings that occurred in the past. The feelings, expectations, disappointments; the smell, people around and what not that belonged to the scenery. Past birthdays, gatherings, memorable events, embarrassing events; the revelation of finally getting into the school you had hopefully wished/ wished not to enrol in.

Memories of being in the rain, smelling the smell of rain, trudging through the mud with half an umbrella over yourself, the other with another person - mother/friend/date. Memories of being in your parents arms, carried off the ground while you slumped on their shoulder trying to nod off while they walked, bobbing your chin against their shoulder with each step.

Memories of getting to know a complete stranger in hope that something positive will bloom out of the acquaintance. Of having your first personal computer, first mobile phone, first bite of that new confectionery that was the hype in town.

Alas memories are deemed past events and, in some sense, pointless to dwell any longer on them. Still, it's nice to indulge in a bit of reminiscing once in a while.

Average

If we average out the number of months in a year, we're now in the middle. The average. The majority. Ever conforming, never complaining. We're at the point of no return, way past the safe middle mark(15th) and the only way is forward. Not like we could have returned in time if we wanted to in May, but being on the other end of the mid of the year makes everything seem downhill. Just like being on the wrong side of 30. Or make it 40, since life expectancy in Singapore had just been increased to 80 or 82. A long life doesn't necessarily bring a quality life. If I had to suffer the last 20 years of my remaining time, I would rather have the expectancy reduced. It all boils down to perspective. There might be masochists who enjoy living out the torturous days in pain, who painfully cling on to live another day, who regret not following their hearts wishes and finally realises that the rules that define their lives so rigidly were self-implemented.

Morals exists only when man lives in a group. To a hermit, he could touch himself all day and not feel guilt or shame; for there is no one to judge, none to be accountable to. Some people asks, "Why do you live such a carefree life?" I'd think, 'Why not?'. We do not usually go around kicking kittens into the air because we know they do feel pain. However, if kittens don't feel physical pain at all, I wonder how things are going to change. There could be a new sport in the Olympics: Kitten Tossing.

Then the scientists would research and find the miracle gene that made the kittens immune to physical attacks and implant it into humans. People would cross the road as they want and 'Hit by a bus' would no longer be in use. The new amusement ride would probably be to launch people into the air and overpopulation soon depletes the earth of resources. And because they don't die, with nothing to eat, they'll reduce to walking bags of bones; except it'll be so crowded that they just stand shoulder to shoulder instead of walking around, enduring the colourful mix of scents, patiently waiting for an asteroid to hit earth. Of course they'll survive the asteroid collision; but the lucky few might get blown off so far, they float through space for as many light years it takes until they manage to singe in the sun.

-My average thoughts